We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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