so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
