The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
