Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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