We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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