her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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