Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize