the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
