i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
