My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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