He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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