Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
