you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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