I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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