my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
