Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
