he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
