with your own penis?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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