Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize