My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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