I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
