My liver just broke up with me...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
