He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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