ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
