So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
