I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
