I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
