You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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