When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
