Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
