Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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