I want to have your abortion
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
