Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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