Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
