Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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