I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
