i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
