you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
