I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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