remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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