Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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