She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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