My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
