What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize