Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
