I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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