I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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