i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize