I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
