fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
