so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
