I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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