plz talk dirty to me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
