Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
