Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
