Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
