I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
