i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
