Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
