why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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