I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
