We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
