He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
