Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize