i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
