i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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