On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i will never coherently bang her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Randomize
