I wanna passion pit in your ass
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
