My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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