Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
