The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
