Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
