Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
