My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
