our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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