i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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