ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize