You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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