I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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