you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
