im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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