I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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