Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize