This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
