Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
