dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
