why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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