I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we're making bets on your personal life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
