And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
