the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The Olympian is in my bed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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