My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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