I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
