peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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