I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
