I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
