Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We talked him into tasing himself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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