pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
