Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize