You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
